"There is a girl who still writes you; she doesn't know how not to."
-Sarah Kay
Dear You,
I was deleting old conversations on messenger tonight. I found all of ours. I couldn't delete them. And I sent you a message about how weird it was.
"I was deleting old conversations from Facebook Messenger, and came across ours.
Weird.
And even weirder I'm messaging about it.
But you know me, never been one not to.
I guess...
I just hope all is well.
Alright.
That's it.
Bye."
But yours weren't the only messages I found, and deleted. There were some from 6 years ago. 6 entire, god damn years. So many people who had hurt me. So many people I had hurt. All there in black and white for me to find again. I felt like a dam that was quickly being pushed to a breaking point. Too many leaks had sprung. All the pain I had buried for 6 entire, god damn years exploded past my dam. Geysers of words gushed from within, and now I don't know where my reality is again.
I know. I'm that crazy, bipolar, obsessed, overly-attached ex-girlfriend. But you were the thing that held me together when the dam was threatened. And then you became the last current that broke me down.
It's 0245 and my soul is screaming. It can't handle this. It can't handle all the pain. But what can I do to numb it? I have a puppy, she's my world. I have to stay for her. I have to be able to past drug tests for work. Am I going to be swallowed whole by this torrent of my past? I don't know what to do. I'm sorry.
Sincerely,
The Girl
P.S. Update at 0310: You replied with a thumbs up emoji. It's good I already am over dramatic, because my heart picked up and dropped in seconds. But... at least you read it.
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