The One About The Dreams

Dear You,

I rarely ever remember my dreams. They leave me and drift away like a curl of smoke escaping a fire. But when I do remember one, they stay with me for far too long. I can't shake them, I can't forget them. In fact, it's quite often the opposite. They bombard my mind, and leave me with no peace. The scenes flash through my mind, the faces float in front of my eyes, the emotions cascade down into my heart.

I use to dream about you every night for a long, long time after you left. But as time went on, as it always does, gradually I began to forget my dreams, or have less of them. (I'm not really sure which.) I could never quite bring myself to call it a relief though. I can't have in you life, so I clung to the you I had in my dreams. Some things I can still remember.

They way you used to smile, it's still the same in my dreams. I could always see it in your eyes, those deep, dark, chocolate eyes. It was always a little goofy, but oh how I loved that goofy grin. It was in every dream when you looked at me. It was always so flattering on your perfectly proportioned face. I always told you that your curly hair, deep eyes, and goofy grin were perfect. I have never seen a face to this day that rivals yours. And I doubt I ever will.

It's been over a year and a half since you left. It's been long enough now that our whole relationship feels like it was a dream. I like to think that there is a sweet, innocent irony in that fact. All my memories of us are a little blurred around the edges, a little wispy in the details. Like a dream that is starting to slip through my fingertips. Maybe, at this point, some of them are dreams.

Last night.... you were back again. I can't remember how long ago the last dream was that you were in. It was months ago, I'm almost sure. But there you were, as real as day in front of me. Until the daylight seeped under my eyelids of course. I fought waking harder this time. Something about this dream was just so wonderful. I didn't want to ever leave it. You were smiling at me, and wrapping your arms around me. You playfully growled and brought me to the ground. Our gentle laughs echoed around the fading room.

But it was you, and you told me that you forgave me. I'm not sure what I had apologized for... perhaps all the blind missteps I took, or all the decisions I made caused by an illness I had not yet been made aware of that I had. In this dream, I was blissful. It felt as though my mind and world were finally at peace. I felt like I was where I belonged, and that I could finally rest.

And then you were gone. My mind slithered back into reality and my chest caved in on itself. I once again had to face the fact that you weren't a reality anymore. I'm trying my best to convince myself that you are only in my dreams now. You aren't my reality anymore. It's said that time heals all, but how can time heal something that aches even in a world where time does not exist? At least I can find comfort that in my dreams, in this other world, I can find peace again. Even if it is just for a short time, and short escape.

Sincerely,
The Girl