The First One

Dear... well... you,

It's been eight months (give or take a few days) since you withdrew yourself so violently from my life. My life now, while enjoyable, is nothing like it was three-quarters of a year ago. No, that's a lie. My mental state, my insecurities, and my shattered heart are still just the same as they were when you threw me out into the street all those months ago.

The differences though, you ask? Oh where do I begin... I am in a different apartment, in a different part of town. I work at a new place, a place that has done me much good. I am in the process of receiving an emotional service dog, and I have a long over due, week long vacation fast approaching.

But I think the biggest thing that has changed, and something that makes this all so hard, is that I have found a man who is trying to piece my heart back together. So valiantly and steadfast, each day he scoops up shards and carefully places them back where they belong. If only at night they didn't crumble again when I am left alone to my own thoughts.

Do you think it's possible to be in love with two people at once? I know it's possible, but most I've dared tell disagree. They say I am a terrible person, for never getting over you, for putting the man who wants to help me through this.

Maybe I am simply in love with the idea of you. I know that you are never coming back for me, that all the dreams I had are blown away by a wind that will never bring them back. Which is why I want a future with this man I have told you about. He lives with me, you know. We have made plans, started a life. But there is always going to be a nagging little thought in the back of my head, wishing you would come around. I hate it, but it's true. It's what makes all of this so hard.

It seems that I have gotten caught up rambling again. I'm sure it will happen plenty but for now I will bid you farewell without more distracted words about my crisscrossed mental state.

Sincerely,
The Girl